Happy Birthday.

Image I’ve been in a melancholy state since your death but sometime it’s stronger than others. This past couple of days has been those stronger times. I went to get that old, iron bed out from the shed because I’ve been wanting to use it and I found myself asking about the measurements of it and I said to myself “oh, i’ll ask dad.” and I felt everything stand still and crash with the realization that you’re not here for me to ask. I started to get it out and had to move stuff around for me to get it because of all your “treasures” that were in front of it and I found myself remembering the time you brought it home, I saw it in the old house on the property and you asked around about it, this was all before the strife and I remember you bringing it home and you said “here it is.” I didn’t appreciate it then. You’re missing a huge new adventure in my life and I find myself wanting to come home and tell you about everything and cry and tell you how afraid I feel and all my worries so I can here your words of advice and I come home or start to call home and then realize your not there, so I tuck it away and try to force the tears away because I’ve cried more this past year than I probably have in my life. Today is your birthday. You loved your birthday. There isn’t a time when I think back that you weren’t giddy about this day. You always asked for the same birthday dinner of meatloaf and homemade mac and cheese. I’d always get you some cheesy card and you’d read it and thank me for and give me one of your big hugs until I became too cool to be hugged and now I miss those hugs more than I thought ever possible. I miss you dad, more than I ever knew I could.

Happy Birthday,dad.

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littlebitsofme22

Hi, I'm Sam. 25. Southern sweetheart with a passionate soul, caring heart, and a want to change the world. Jesus, coffee, the written word, animals, and finding beauty in everything are some of my favorite things. On a journey to be whoever He says I am. I write about life, pop culture, body positivity, my journey of grief, living and dealing with Uterine Cancer, and God. I think a lot, so come along as I share my thoughts and little bits of this and that.

One thought on “Happy Birthday.”

  1. Happy birthday to your dad, and big hugs to you. Regular days are hard enough, but the “special” days like holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries are a million times more difficult. They do get easier, as hard as that may be to imagine now, but that sense of loss is always stronger on those days than others.

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