To mama,

momI love you more than you can possibly know. You are the best mom anyone could ask for, you let me be me and find myself in this crazy world and when it hurts my heart you are there to lend an ear and a shoulder to cry on. I’m so much like you, I’m always kinder than necessary, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I’m fiercely independent, I love to read, I love to travel by myself and explore new places but I always love to come home. I’m a lot like my dad too, I have a heart bigger than my who body, I have one hell of a temper, I’m fiercely loyal, I care more than I should, I’m constantly thinking, I love to tinker and can fix anything, I’m not great at sharing my feelings. I miss him, I know you do too. It’s hard here without him. I wonder sometimes, too, why it was his time to go. He’s forever in our hearts and never far from our minds. He made the world a better place and was one of a kind. You know what we were talking about tonight? The one thing I didn’t tell you is I hope he is playing a part in picking him out. You know what’s going on in our lives now and you know how incredibly hard it is, but one thing I know that you don’t, is how incredibly strong you are. You are who I want to be when I grow up. We can do this, despite the days that tell us we can’t. Thank you for being you and showing me how to be. Thank you for letting me explore and travel and do and just be. It means more than anything.

I love you, forever and always.

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Why?

I’m really struggling with this question lately. Why does God let us suffer with these hardships and trials and things in life? These things are ever present and manifestĀ themselves in different ways, yet we all have them and we all think ours is worse or harder than someone else. I think I started questioning this after the loss of my dad and more recently with our living situation. I try to be thankful that no matter what else might be going on that I have a roof over my head but I’m only human. And maybe I am the only one that has these thoughts but I just kinda want some feedback. I feel like there is a constant struggle and that there is an ever present battle that is never being won in my favor… Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in God and I don’t question His existence. I just don’t understand why we struggle. I don’t expect things to be easy or handed to me but I feel like there has never been a time in my 22 years that anything has ever went smoothly. We take things for granted like your parents or food on your table or the roof over your head and you never really think about these things until you’re face to face with them.