Seasons

My head is a swirling mess of thoughts. It has been for the past 4 months. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere anymore. I feel broken and achy, I don’t know where I stand with God right now, To be honest I haven’t felt his presence in my heart for a couple months now. I miss how simple things used to be, even with all the sickness it was predictable; safe even. I feel like I’m failing at life. I cut back on school because I just wasn’t motivated to do it and knew that it would end up hurting me in the long run. I haven’t been to church for no other reason than I can’t sleep at night because of racing thoughts and the pressing fear that something bad could happen so when the sun rises I finally fall into a fitful sleep. I feel like this might be a season in my life I need to grow through, but it sucks! I feel so lonely. I know that God is supposed to be the one to fill the void… I just don’t know how. I feel like I’m failing at my job and in return feel like I’m failing two of the most precious little people in the world to me, as well as their parents. I kind of feel useless and like the world might be better off without me. I know, that’s the depression talking but I’m just being honest here. Fall is usually such a refreshing time for me, but without the sun to beat back the shadows they start to take over. I miss being active and doing whatever I want to do without consequence. This blog has no other purpose than to type out what’s in my head. I have no encouragement or hope to add tonight…

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littlebitsofme22

Hi, I'm Sam. 25. Southern sweetheart with a passionate soul, caring heart, and a want to change the world. Jesus, coffee, the written word, animals, and finding beauty in everything are some of my favorite things. On a journey to be whoever He says I am. I write about life, pop culture, body positivity, my journey of grief, living and dealing with Uterine Cancer, and God. I think a lot, so come along as I share my thoughts and little bits of this and that.

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