It’s a rare day here, I’m not overly sad but I’m not happy either. I’m ok today. I’m so grateful to be alive and to have all my needs met. I cannot even begin to fathom the generosity and kindness that has been shown to mom and I, it’s the biggest blessing in this whole mess. I’m so SO thankful for my mom. I could not do this without her. She has been such a rock my whole life. She makes sure I have everything I need before she goes to work, she takes off when I have an appointment. She is the biggest blessing in my life. I had a dr consult on Thursday last week and it was just a crappy day. She came home from work and brought me flowers to cheer me up. She is a saint and just the best person I know.
Life has its good and bad days lately. I’m trying to learn through all this and trust in what I can’t see. It’s hard, y’all. Some days I’m so angry at God and wonder why he isn’t listening. But while I was doing a devotional the other morning, I cried and poured my heart out and I heard Him say “I’ll make something beautiful out of this.” I have to cling to hope and belief, because it’s all I have.
I’m at a stalemate with my healthcare currently. I’ve seen the plastic surgeon but I’ve chosen to seek a second and third opinion. I cannot in good faith go by the opinion of one doctor when so little is known about my cancer. Y’all, it’s a scary thing. Living with something that could kill you. It very surreal and sometimes hard to believe it happened to me.
I don’t know, but today I choose to look at the sunshine and let the shadows fall behind me.