I want to talk about it but I don’t know how. I’m scared of offending other people, but what about those that offend me?
I guess I should learn to care less.
I am depressed. Drowning in it actually. I thought about killing myself last night, planned the ways I would leave things.
But before you judge, or say life is worth living, take a minute to walk in my shoes.
I have cancer, it doesn’t matter what kind, it’s still a disease meant to kill. I spend my days in pain and alone. My dogs are literally what keeps me alive. Money is so tight, it’s non-existent. I can’t afford my Dr visits or to see my therapist. Lately our car, meaning the only one we have, is in dangerous conditions. My anxiety and OCD is uncontrollable now. I was fired from my first job because of my sickness. I feel worthless. I literally see none of the people I called my friends or hear from them. I don’t see my family and at this point feel like they don’t care about me. My mom works too hard for what she makes and for someone who doesn’t appreciate her. She won’t see about her health and I worry about that. I have no idea about my academic life and and barely surviving the semester.
I don’t say anything because I feel it makes me week and let’s be honest, people look at you differently when you’re honest about what you feel.
They want “I’m fine” not “I’m not okay.”
So until you spend a day in my mind, don’t tell me what I feel.
I still believe in God. It’s just harder to these days.
I feel alone. I feel like dying most days.
But I woke up this morning and I’m still here.