All that glitters.

glitter

I think Christmas lights are one of the most magical sights there is. It seems like this time of year is all about decorating your house or trees with those little fascinating lights. Y’all, let’s have real talk right now; we don’t even have a tree up this year. We’re not being all bah-humbuggy, we’ve just been packing and trying to move before the first of the year. I miss it more than I ever thought I would, I would always complain about the tree being scratchy(yes, we use a fake tree because this girl is allergic to the real thing) and so time consuming, but y’all, it was so worth that effort and now I see that. Isn’t that life though, never knowing what you have until you don’t have it anymore? I don’t think Mary was like that though. I think she knew just how amazing and life changing Jesus was going to be. That’s what this season is about. Not the buying of gifts, or trimming of trees, or singing carols. It’s about that little baby born in a stable. I think we get so caught up in the materialistic traditions that we don’t truly realize the significance of this. I’m not saying that I’m immune to this, but there is something to be said for having to focus and rely 100% on God during this season that just brings this to light. It’s a overwhelming feeling to have this revelation of sorts; God sent His ONLY son to save us all. Think about that, let it soak in… I’m not a mother of human children, yet. But speaking from Mary’s POV, how excruciatingly painful would it be to bare a child whom you know is something so precious and special and then to know that He was sent to rescue us weary sinners, yourself included, with His life?! I guess my whole point in this is how busy we get with the lights and tinsel and we overlook the whole reason we celebrate this holiday. I think when you really stop and ponder that, it puts everything into perspective a little bit. I am so thankful God sent His son. I’m so thankful for His mercy and grace that is new every morning and the joy that only comes from knowing Him. With that, I hope you have the Merriest of Christmases and remember that Jesus is the reason why we celebrate.

Much love,

Sam

Thankful.

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Happy Thanksgiving, y’all!

It seems like this year has just flown by, it’s kinda crazy. It’s taken me a while to write this blog. You see, I’m having a hard time being grateful lately. Life is completely crazy and it seems like if it’s not one thing it’s another. However, in the current state of things I thinks it’s completely appropriate that I make myself write my annual Thanksgiving post. As most of you know, this is my second Thanksgiving without my Dad, while my days seem not as bright without him here, God has given me things to ease that ache. This year we didn’t do our annual fire department trip, Mom and I stayed at home and watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade together and baked and cooked for the 1st feast of the holiday. It’s bittersweet, but I am so thankful for her. My mom is my best friend, biggest pain in my rear, therapist, sharer of this life, biggest fan, closes confidant, and general awesome person. I wouldn’t be where I am today without her and to be honest, I’d probably not be here at all. I’m thankful for my fur-babies, Buddy and Lexi. They offer the most unconditional love and support. Always there to lend a listening ear(oh come on, like you don’t talk to your pets!) and a shoulder to cry on. I’m thankful for friends who love me, flaws and all. The new ones I’ve met through school have been a true blessing and to the old ones, thanks for sticking by my crazy all these years. I’m thankful for my family, blood and by choice; I may be a mess sometimes but you’re always there, through thick and thin. I’m thankful for my human babies, who I get to love on and spoil then give them back to their very capable parents; you little people are very bright lights in my sometimes dark world. You constantly remind me on the child like wonder that I’m so in awe of. I’m thankful for new beginnings, no matter how they might have came about. I believe that God doesn’t open a door if He didn’t want you to go through it, for one reason or another it’s a blessing or a lesson. I’m thankful for my body that carries me through this life and allows me to be. I’m thankful for that ability to go to college and learn and just be a sponge. I’m thankful for the networks that allow me to express myself and connect with like-minded people. Most of all I’m thankful for the grace that God pours out everyday to save a weary sinner like me, I’m thankful for this one life He has given me to live.

Better late than never, right?!

Hope your Thanksgiving was full of family, food, and football!

Much love,

  Sam

Reflection.

  grateful

Thanksgiving has come and gone, It was a lot more difficult than I anticipated. Thursday was just a blur of emotions, Mom and I decided to continue this year with getting a ham from a local fire department that has been a tradition as long as I can remember. We would get up early, drive out there, pick up our box, and have a picknic at a close by gas station. I can remember being little and being a brat about going because it was so early and cold. But I look back now and those are some of my favorite memories, just getting in the car in my jammies and wrapped it a handmade quilt then hearing my dads booming voice talk about whatever was on his mind, always laughing and joking about something, he was always such a morning person.

 Thursday we had a small lunch, well small for this crowd, and the whole time I just could let go that he wasn’t there talking and joking or cuddling with my littlest cousin. I finally snapped about something and My mom said in her sarcastic, syrupy sweet voice that “I need to change my attitude” and before my brain caught up to my mouth I said, “Well when you can have my dad here, i’ll change my attitude.”  Of course that started a whole slew of I know you miss him and he is in a far better place talks. So naturally I closed myself off and went to my room. Friday was a reprieve of having to show emotion and thankfulness but Saturday was on it’s trail with not one, but two dinners. The first was ok to get through until my cousin I’m closest to in age had to leave to go back to college. It’s always bittersweet to see him leave because I only get to see him a couple times a year. After we said our goodbyes and be carefuls, I was just ready to go home. Before I knew it and before I had time to have a mental reprieve it was time to go to Thanksgiving dinner number 3. This one was by far the most difficult because it was with my dad’s side of the family, well the ones we talk to. That’s another story for another day that I’m sure you’ll hear about sometime. Anyway. we come in and say hello to everyone and my uncle, my dads middle brother and best friend comes up and does something that so resembled something that my dad would do and it took everything I had in me not to break down, When you’re with that big of a crowd you don’t have time to dwell on anything but the baby you’re holding, or the niece that wants your attention, or the cousin that wants a picture. But still I was ready to go, because it wasn’t the same. he was suppose to be here, he was suppose to get better and pull through, like always. He was the glue that held everything together and now he’s not here and everything has changed.

I came home and started to go to sleep and tears just started to roll out. I could hear his laugh, or something he would joke about. I sent up a silent prayer that he was happy and better in heaven and told him I miss him.

I usually put up some kind of post saying how thankful I am, but this year I didn’t. In honour of my dad who was always thankful and grateful for God’s bountiful blessings in his life, I write this now.

I’m thankful for my parents who raised me to be the best person I could be, for my mom who has been there since the beginning, for my dad even though you are no longer here with me, you’re still teaching me and guiding me like always, for my family no matter how much you drive me crazy I wouldn’t be me without you, for my best friend who has been there longer than anyone else ever has, for my nieces who teach me child like faith and unconditional love, for my online community who is helping me love myself, for my YA bible study group who is always challenging me and helping me in my walk, for the memories that my dad has left me with that honestly if I didn’t have them I don’t know how i’d make it, for that special guy who is out there, somewhere, for my God who gives me grace and strength to get through this crazy, beautiful life.