Words

I love when I read a book and it sparks something in me. It evokes feelings I didn’t know I had. I just finished reading Far Cry by Kate Canterbary and I’m just in awe. I relate to the main character, Brooke so so much. The years I remember of my childhood were spent in and out of doctors offices and hospitals with my dad. Don’t get me wrong I never lacked the love or important stuff, but growing up with that leaves a lasting impact on my soul. In the book, Brooke is this fiery, fierce woman who has endured a lot and has learned to take no shit. But underneath it all she is deeply impacted by the wounds of her life. In one part she says “I’ve been dragging little red wagons worth of issues around since forever.” I’ve never had something sink in my skin the way that sentence did.

We all bare scars from the life we’ve lived thus far. It’s up to us whether we learn from them and allow them to hinder us or enable us. The past 5 months have unearthed past hurts for myself and my mom. Hurts that I didn’t know she had and hurts that I didn’t know really bothered me. Those are her story to tell and to work with. I tend to take in others problems, especially of those I care most about. I’ve lived a life where it’s easier to pick up and carry on than it is to sit with my feelings and allow them to teach me something. Cancer is a huge part of my life, as is my journey with my past. I’m allowed to feel the way I do and so are you. Know one has lived in your shoes but what I do know is, it’s possible to hurt people because you hurt. Cancer has taught me more than anything in my life and yet I hate it with a passion I didn’t know I possessed. Cancer is like looking in 360 degree mirror of your life. It invites feelings that you didn’t know were there. My soul hurts, my depression is worse than it ever has been. I have suicidal thoughts more than I had in my teen angst years. My soul is tired. Im tired of fighting this battle and carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I don’t know that I want to live anymore. I’m tired of fake people who make it seem like their life is perfect. I’m tired of the financial and emotional burden cancer has put on my mom and I. I’m tired of people who say they’re there but never really show up.

This wasn’t wrote to seek pity but as a reminder that words have the power that a knife never will. The letters and sentences can be the very thing that lifts someone up or bury them Remember that the next time you speak.

Here’s the little bit of that.

Image

From time to time I might tell you about a book I’m loving or something along those lines, I’m not always deep or serious, and I LOVE to read.

So here’s that part.

Let me give you a little back story; after I read Fifty Shades of Grey(Yes, I’ve read them and yes, I loved them. Judge me. I don’t care and P.S. I’m STUPID EXCITED about the movie), about two years ago, I read a book that I fell in love with; Gabriel’s Inferno by Sylvain Reynard. Originally it was only a two book series with Gabriel’s Inferno and Gabriel’s Rapture, but then it was requested that they write a third and final book, so the author obliged. December 3rd came Gabriel’s Redemption. Here’s the current part. I knew the author used a pseudonym, but didn’t think much about it until the conclusion, well let me tell you, am I blown away! The author is a male and chooses to keep his identity a secret so he can use his fame to bring his favorite charities to light. Now, not only do I love the story line of these books, but I think I may love the author as well. I loved the conclusion and may have cried(did cry) at the ending. If it is possible, I felt a little smarter after reading these books. The author is quit intelligent. If you love romance and were fond of FSoG, with these books being no where nears as gritty, I highly suggest you give them a read.